My 2025 Resolution: To Lie More

…collaboratively that is

Ah, New Year’s resolutions. The promises we make to ourselves with the full knowledge that we’re probably lying just a little. Eat healthier. Run more. Be better. But this year, I’ve decided to embrace a widely known but tragically misunderstood resolution known to most of us as: the lie. Not the sneaky, malicious type. No, I’m talking about the collaborative lie, that beautiful, underrated social contract designed not to deceive but to help someone feel solid when they need it most.

It works like this: Imagine your colleague asks, “Am I doing okay with this project?” Or your friend wonders, “Was I overreacting at dinner?” Deep down, I might want to reply with something constructively truthful. “You’re mostly on track but need a better plan,” or “Well, it was maybe…a little much.” But being constructively truthful is a different strategy altogether, one I feel is unfortunately overhyped and overused.

Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not advocating for brutal honesty here, a “virtue” that is sadly on the rise in popularity these days. But there’s actually no integrity in that kind of honesty when the only person it’s serving is me. And it’s not as “brave” as the chest-pounding coaches might have us believe because we’re simply acting out a basic instinct: to say what’s in our head. From one external processor to another, let me just say we get no points for saying what’s in our heads because what people actually need in these moments of vulnerability isn’t that but something they can grab onto to get through. So, the collaborative lie steps in:

“You’re doing great. This will come together; I can see it.”
“No, not at all. You handled it perfectly.”

Don’t minimize what these little lies can accomplish to grease the wheels of connection, smoothing over the anxiety and self-doubt that threaten to unravel someone right there in front of you. The goal isn’t manipulation; it’s providing a temporary patch until they’re strong enough to hear something closer to the truth. It’s a small but meaningful pivot from “how do I express my feelings” to “how do I meet their needs?”

“Speaking one’s truth” may be an empowering notion, but let’s not kid ourselves about who that’s serving. It’s the collaborative lie that takes real emotional intelligence and self-awareness. It also takes a bit of humor because, let’s face it, this isn’t always going to come naturally. This kind of lie requires discipline and those who master it have learned to pause, reflect, and rethink their response in any given moment. While speaking truth to power was once the ultimate virtue, mastering the collaborative lie is shaping up to be the definitive power move of 2025.

So, this year, I’m challenging myself to lie more; not carelessly, not recklessly, but compassionately. To listen more deeply, to gauge the moment more thoughtfully, and to let go of my own ego-driven truth-telling for the sake of building people up when they need it most.

I’m known by my peers to say “direct is kind.” It’s been a calling card, a way of embodying strength and resilience and separating myself from the pack. But sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone isn’t being ruthlessly honest but helping them bridge the gap between where they are and where they believe they can be.

As for whether I’m off to a good start on this resolution…
You’re doing great! You’ll have to trust me on this one. 😉